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I am unable to grasp the meaning of the stress that people seem so obsessed with. The depression that sucks people into its dark depths. The conflicts that eat people like potato chips. Or the anger that flares at the smallest taunt. The knowledge of such things could possibly add to my understanding of the world and its inhabitants, but until then I am left without the awareness of these select things.
I got a new (well used but new to me) keyboard and so I wanted to test it out and ended up typing this.....well who knows when it comes to me.
I looked around at the vast emptiness that used to be familiar hallways. I walked slowly, pausing only to smile at the few others around me. I heard the click of time passing and remembered the distant shuffling of feet at the ring of a bell. The memories fully grabbed me, not letting me go. The weight of the things I was carrying, the sounds of conversations, the aversion of the eyes as passing lovers, and most of all, the friends. I dreaded the thought. Friends. They didn't know me anymore. Nobody here did. I wasn't me, I was now Greana. My mission far from how I had ever planned my life. The hit of reality nearly knocked me down as I grabbed for a wall to hold myself up. A man came up to me, asking me if I needed help. I just shook my head and continued on down the long hallway. As I walked I noticed the dimming of light and realized that everyone had left and I was wondering the abandoned building alone. The thought sent a chill down my spine as I desperately looked around, hoping for an exit. I couldn't remember where any were. I was trapped. The lights kept dimming and I found myself short of breath as panic set in. "Help!" my thoughts screamed, "Anyone!" I began running. There was an exit here, yes? No! "Help!" again I couldn't get my voice to work. There wasn't any light now. I was forced to walk so that I wouldn't trip. I felt down the walls, turning right and then left. I had to be lost. The halls had never seemed this long. What had happened? A distant sound caught my attention as I turned back down the way I had just come. "Here." it whispered. "Here." I followed the walls as they led me towards the voice. I turned one last corner to blinding light and the outline of a figure. "My hero" I thought. As my eyes adjusted, the outline turned into a person with a familiar face. "Always my hero," I whispered under my breath. He chuckled, took me under his arm and we left the familiar hallways. Memories burned in our hearts as we walked out into the setting sun.
I started this on my yahoo status. Just the first couple sentences fit and thats all I was going to write but I felt that I needed to add onto it. This is the first one I have ever done in fist person. Yay me. Its not too bad, I guess. I winged it. Completely made it up. ?? oh well!
The Way I Feel
I've tried my best to work it out, but it always seems to backfire. Even when everything seems smooth, it has to go wrong.
I've decided to give up. Give up on friends. Give up on people.
I tried to enjoy my life, I even think I did okay. I feel I was in the right and them the wrong.
I don't believe that seclusion is the smart way to live and will always leave you wanting someone to confide in. But all the people that I chose to confide in, leave me feeling torn to shreds and even more alone than before.
I feel like I know a lot of people and can talk to almost anyone. I try not to judge, if I'm not judged first.
Though I only have a couple true friends, but, the funny thing is, they are the ones that hurt me the most.
So again I state, that I have given up on friends. Given up on people. I choose not enjoy, so that I can not be hurt.
I will close myself out. Turn away any compassion, knowing that that compassion will always turn to hate.
Hide myself from the world and hide myself from people.
I have comforted people before, with the same problem as me, but comfort can do me no good, for I can always see the true malice behind simply trick that they want to do good.
I know that no one really wants to help me, and that people only put up with me, so I have decided to put an end to that, by pulling myself away and caring for nobody.
Dedicated to my "best" friends, that always seemed to hurt me and left with no apology.
They were there. He could sense them. Heard their minds wander. Could hear them tense up, about to leap. He stood there, ready to block. His objective had sounded easy, but now that he stood there, listening to his enemy surround him, he cursed himself for not accepting help.
Many of the same thoughts went through the minds of many ninjas past. Even the best have moments when their mind faltlers. It is what make ninjas human too.
People often mistake the speed and strength of a ninja as witchcraft or black magic. All of these are incorrect. The power of a ninja is just a sign of how dedicated they are to their trade. A ninja's job is different every time, so training for every possible situation takes years.
So as he stood there, all the years of training flashing through his mind, he tried to think of every possible move he could make. If he faltered, or stopped for even a split second to think about his choice, it could end. Be over. No second chance.
He thought about his master's words, "Experience is the best teacher, but have one bad experience and you won't get the chance to learn from it." He stopped, trying to figure out why he was thinking about his master when he realized he had fallen for their trick. They jumped out of the bushes and trees and some even seemed to appear out of the ground. He knew this was no time to think. He had to act.
Block. Attack. Jump. Left, right, behind. They were coming from everywhere. He just had to find one. Which one? Behind, he jumped and turned. Not that one. He turned again to see another coming at im. Not that one. Block, turn, block. Where was he? Turn, block, attack. Nowhere! He isn't here. Block, attack, jump, move. There!
He was there. In the shadows, trying not to draw attention to himself. With a leap and one final attach he was behind him. All he had to do was reach in his pocket. Easy. Thats all it was going to take to complete this mission. Just reach in and.... something hit him. He had let his guard down a minute too long.
There had been a guard next to the man. Standing, waiting. He had fallen for their trap. Now the enemy had a hostage. He woke later in a small cell, and realized the situationg. He failed. The enemy had a hostage, but he wouldn't let them keep him. "One bad experience," he thought as he pulled the knot around his neck, "One bad experience." The enemy had lost their hostage.
I love this. I wrote it when I had free time in class and I have been holding on to it for some time now. When I write things I usually don't have time or don't get around to finishing them, but I did this time. Even though it isn't a happy ending. I don't know, but maybe I will do a ninja series. I doubt it though. I almost left it in the middle and didn't end it. Oh well, who knows.
Some odd thing I wrote.
She had been there. They all talked about it like it was a long time ago. It wasn't though. Five years was not long enough for her to forget it. She felt forever wasn't long enough to forget it. She was the cause, she knew that. They had been there for her and she had let them down.
Her fault. She had tried to forget about it. She thought she had, but then they all started talking about it. They didn't know about her. They thought she was just like them. Someone who had been born in that same protected town they all lived in now. Thought and assumed she was human. She fit in, why wouldn't she be like them, but they were wrong. If the definition of a human is something about the way you act, than yes, she was human.
Now you know what I mean about some are just parts. This one needs to be added to, to make sense. But I don't feel like it, so too bad. You can interpret it anyway you want, I guess that makes it funner. Haha. I don't really like it though, but its up here.
The shadows covered the ground as I stepped forward. The soft snow crunching as my weight shifted. The trees, now leafless, swayed, making the shadows dance in the moonlight.
I was going through some old notebooks and found this. Yeah, I know. Pretty pointless couple sentences, but its pretty, so its here. :D
The tears she felt inside would never show. She would never allow them to flow freely. Perhaps it was made easier by the fact that they were mainly tears of frustration and anger. Perhaps only because she had spent several years training herself to hide such strong emotions.
Her temper was legendary and it always frightened her how easily it came. The smallest taunt and she was ready to kill the fool that challenged her. She was terrified of the thoughts of violence that were always present.
Her heart was fragile and easily torn in two. Heartache was always left when the anger was through. She'd never truly been in love and she was afraid of the pain left when everything fell apart.
Her guilt was magnificent and everything was always her fault. There could be a million things leading up to it, but she was always the one to finally cause it. It always left behind scars, mental and physical.
Her fear of commitment was greatest. If nothing was ever promised then nothing could ever be broken.
Her self-inflicted pain was the best medicine and nobody could help her. She longed for the time alone when she could make herself suffer. Pain made up for everything she did wrong.
So she traveled the narrow stairs to the top. She turned the corner and almost collapsed with the relief of being alone in her own domain. But she wasn't safe yet. Music on and door locked, she could finally focus on her frustrations. On her never ending anger. And she wanted to die. Oh, the yearning to just slip. To die. To let it end. And she was afraid. Afraid of her own determination to die. She would live. Live and continue on with the meaningless existence she called life.
I found this in the same above mentioned notebook. Pretty depressing. I wonder what my mood was when I wrote this. Its kinda neat though. So its up here now too :D.
The dark power stirred, but then slowly settled down again. The world wasn't ready. Not yet. But it would be. Time had to be left alone. Just long enough.
Again, same notebook, again pretty useless. Its worth its interesting-ness though. :D